How Sentence Structure Affects Pacing in Storytelling
Have you ever read a book that dragged on? Or maybe you read a different book in one day. This is the power of sentence structure; more specifically, this is how sentence structure affects pacing in storytelling. When properly assembled, it creates a rhythm.
Every author must understand how to construct sentences so they can wield them to their demand. Once you know how to write rhythmically, you can say anything– this includes poetic descriptions. Yes, we know this is controversial, and when done incorrectly, it’s known as purple prose. Keep reading this article to see how we approach poetic writing.
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If you missed the last post, we covered the the basics of crafting sentences.
This article will show you how to structure sentences for perfect pacing in storytelling through a variety of book examples; we also show the adverse effects of slow pacing.
How sentence structure affects pacing in storytelling
Sentence structure affects pacing in storytelling because reading a book is like watching a movie or listening to a song; you need rhythm to keep your reader's attention. There are multiple ways to maintain pace, we are discussing the power of active voice and sentence lengths with these book examples.
Why should you avoid passive voice in writing?
Passive voice and Slow pace example: Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.
As an avid reader and book analyst over these past handful of years, I’ve discovered what sentences keep readers hooked and those that don’t. What it comes down to is pacing.
The art of storytelling is to tell a meaningful story with themes and character arcs, and to do so with rhythm. When a story isn’t paced well, readers notice. They become disengaged, likely to put the book down and DNF it. If you struggle with this, your line editor will fix this issue. But as an author, you should understand how to implement pace to write a compelling book.
Let’s examine slow paced writing and why it distracts from your narrative. Older literature (not all) falls into this category, among those authors is Jane Austen. We are diving into her most beloved novel, Pride and Prejudice to see and feel the power of sentence structure.
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (London, Arcturus Publishing Limited, 2021).
Side note: this is not to say that this story doesn’t appeal to readers–there are plenty of Austen fans. We are examining the sentence structure and how Austen told a story. Technically, these sentences are grammatically correct. However, they are not well-paced, running the risk of pulling readers out of the book. The sentences feel dull and overwritten, adding unnecessary details in passive voice. Countless times with her work, that was my personal sentiment.
Example:
“Lady Lucas began directly to calculate with more interest than the matter had ever excited before, how many years longer Mr Bennet was likely to live; and Sir William gave it as his decided opinion that whenever Mr. Collins should be in possession of the Longbourn estate, it would be highly expedient that both he and his wife should make their appearance at St. James’s.”
This is one sentence.
Did you lose focus? I did. When I read Austen’s work, I often found myself rereading paragraphs because I tuned-out mid-sentence. This is how sentence structure affects pacing in storytelling in a negative way. How could we rephrase this sentence to make it active and engaging?
Lady Lucas’s mind raced. She calculated how many years Mr. Bennet would live while Sir William made a decision. He thought, when Mr. Collins gained ownership of the Longbourn estate—they would be there.
We have all the information needed in three sentences, which includes active voice and a variety of sentence length. Do you feel a rhythm—a tone? Also, we wrote in 34 words what Jane Austen did in 65.
The reason Austen’s version feels flat is because the information is not given through action. Our version is written in active voice, immersing readers and giving a sense of urgency. The point is to make your readers forget they’re reading a book. By creating a mischievous tone, the reader understands how the characters are feeling internally. Quickening up the pace makes the reader feel as if their minds racing just as much as the characters within the scene. We don’t tell how they’re feeling, we are showing it.
When pacing works well and adds rhythm to your prose
Active voice and Fast paced book example: Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
Let’s compare Ms. Austen’s novel with Emily Brontë’s Wuthering Heights. The two books were published about 34 years apart, and they lived within about 232 miles apart. These data points are significant, and make for completely different writers, but they are close enough that they are comparable. Let’s examine a sentence within Emily Brontë’s novel, Wuthering Heights.
Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights (New York, Barnes & Noble Books, 1993)
“The little souls were comforting each other with better thoughts than I could have hit on: no parson in the world ever pictured heaven so beautifully as they did, in their innocent talk; and, while I sobbed, and listened, I could not help wishing we were all there safe together.”
Again—one entire sentence—but something feels different, doesn’t it? Despite the length, it doesn’t feel long. The difference is that this sentence shows us the action rather than telling us. There is still some passive voice, but not nearly as much as Austen’s. This example shows us the power of active vs. passive voice. You’ll notice that within these sentences, it’s important to understand grammar. If you struggle with this, ensure you find a copyeditor who can help tighten your writing, so you don’t create run-on sentences.
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Another example:
“And now he stared at her so earnestly that I thought the very intensity of his gaze would bring tears into his eyes; but they burned with anguish: they did not melt.”
Another note that may influence the effectiveness of Emily’s long form sentences versus Austen’s is that one is written in first person, and the other in third. Naturally, a reader gives more patience when immersed inside a character's mind, rather than a third person omniscient narrator. I personally don’t believe either point-of-view (POV) is superior; choose what fits your story, never do what’s popular.
Sentence length and how it affects pacing in storytelling
Let’s take another classic author and examine sentence structure’s that are immersive and well-paced. From the time Wilde published his first story compared to Austen’s final publication date, there is a 70-year difference. That’s significant. Also, you must consider that Austen was from the UK, and Wilde was from Ireland. So, these comparisons are not apples to apples, however, there is no denying there was an evolution of sentence structure. Take a look.
Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray (New York, Barnes & Noble Booksellers, Inc., 2015)
“Lord Henry had not yet come in. He was always late on principle, his principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.”
The sentences are shorter. They hold layers of inferred meaning, rather than over-explaining every detail. Wilde’s work is more poetic than Austen’s, but this allowed him to leave his work to interpretation, rather than spoon-feeding the story to a reader. Wilde had a way of spinning words that held a myriad of meaning and depth; he’s powerful at description. His writing is a perfect example of how sentence structure affects pacing in a positive way.
Side note: there is one chapter within his book that loses a sense of pace because Wilde over-embellished his descriptions. Outside of that one chapter, the rest of the novel flowed with beauty and meaning.
Let’s take a look at one of those sentences to deconstruct why it hurt the pacing.
“He would often spend a whole day settling and resettling in their cases the various stones that he had collected, such as the olive-green chrysoberyl that turns red by lamplight, the cymophane with its wirelike line of silver, the pistachio-coloured peridot, rose-pink and wine-yellow topazes, carbuncles of fiery scarlet with tremulous, four-rayed stars, flame-red cinnamon-stones, orange and violet spinels, and amethysts with their alternate layers of ruby and sapphire.”
Did you stop reading? This description exaggerates details that feel unnecessary. The vibrant words are almost too much, and too close together, they pull a reader out of the story. Don’t do this.
Yes, Wilde is showing how his character is obsessed with the gems through the details, but the way he does it disrupts the pacing. This could be shown with half the colors and details, and we would still understand the idea. It’s descriptions like this that feel ostentatious, like the writer is “showing off,” and why phrases like purple prose exist.
the master’s of sentence structure and pace: Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms.
Hemingway is known for revolutionizing modern literature as one of the Lost Generation writers. His short and concise diction made for powerful stories. This did not mean he didn’t use literary devices to embellish a scene for emphasis—quite the opposite. He blended sentences to create a tone. He created an atmosphere through his sentences. Take a look.
Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms (New York, Scribner Paperback Fiction, 1995)
“Later we were on a road that led to a river. There was a long line of abandoned trucks and carts on the road leading up to the bridge. No one was in sight.”
Hemingway’s writing is direct yet broken up rhythmically through his pacing techniques. He composes a variety of sentences to convey his characters inner thoughts and feelings, while crafting a tone for the settings surrounding them. There was always a rhythm to his work that kept readers turning page after page.
Writing has always been an evolution and always will be. The more you practice, the quicker you will find your style and voice. When you understand how to craft sentences, you can mold them—fill them with meaning, leaving lasting impressions.
Purple Prose vs. Description
There is a controversy in the writing world that if you craft poetic prose, you won’t be published or find an audience. I want to debunk this. Personally, I’ve grown tired of hearing it because this fear stilts author creativity, and frankly makes every book sound the same.
The idea that writing isn’t meant to be descriptive or use a variety of literary devices to craft a meaning is simply wrong. All creative writing should be poetic. If you want to craft a timeless book with lines that inspire readers for generations, they need rhythm, imagery, metaphor, motif’s, etc.
This is what the writing community gets confused; it’s not that you cannot and should not use these methods, it’s that you need to understand how to utilize them. Learn how to craft sentences that bleed at the proper pace. You can wax poetically— but show it at the proper moment, when it furthers an element of your story. Don’t do it just to show you can—that is when it turns into purple prose; it ruins the pacing and pulls a reader out of your book. Every sentence—every word must have a reason for being there, otherwise, cut it.
What do you do next?
We believe the best teachers of the craft are books. Study a variety of stories. Next time you read a book you enjoyed, take notes on what worked and what pulled your attention away. Then, write. This will help you discover voice and style.
If you loved this article, stick around for part three. Next up is for you screenwriters out there. Believe it or not, sentence structure is important for the big screen as well. Let us show you why.
